Roger Goodell makes it so Defensive Linemen must count 7 alligators before rushing the Quarterback

“This new rule will improve the safety of the players”

Roger Goodell has implemented a new rule into the NFL in an effort to make the game of football safer and reduce the chance of long term injury effects. The Defense Linemen must now count seven Alligators before attempting to rush the opposing team’s QB. “Too many QBs are getting hurt” says Goodell. “It’s not fair for a guy like JJ Watt to go up against a guy like Nate Potter, he doesn’t give the QB enough time to throw the ball, it’s unfair.” Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo was quite fond of the move. “Finally, I actually have time to throw the ball, this way I have more time to read the defense and find out where to place the ball for that pick six, also now Brian Orakpo can stop being a meanie”. His teammate DeMarcus Ware, was not as thrilled. “This is so unfair” says Ware, “back in my day, we only had to count 7 allies, alligators takes too long”! Goodell stated the refs will make sure that all of the DL/Pass Rushers count out each alligator out loud, if they skip one or just say allie, a 15 yard penalty and automatic first down is enforced. Tommy Kelly of the Patriots seemed happy about it, “Whenever I line up before the snap I always have a hard time remembering where the QB is, when they snap the ball I get confused and the big guy pushes me tot he ground”. “Now I have time to look around, also I have a hard time remembering the order of the numbers so I’ll make sure to bring a snack while I wait for the refs to help me out”. Goodell is still deciding on whether the QB is allowed to run the ball. Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers states, “I’m fine with the rule as ling as it applies for when I run the ball too, otherwise that’s cheating”. Aldon Smith claims once the QB takes off with the ball, the defense should be allowed to pass rush him. Perhaps most happy about this new rule was Niners GM Trent Baalke, “Everyone keeps asking me why I built the slowest WR corps in the NFL, I knew Rodger would pull something like this off, now Kaep has seven key seconds to wait for this guys to separate so he can get it too them”. Roger Goodell made a key follow statement shortly afterwards. “The defense is allowed one blitz per drive”. This makes the game fair for everyone and most importantly reduces the risk of injury and embarrassment.

Decided to try out my first humor article, thoughts?

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2 thoughts on “Roger Goodell makes it so Defensive Linemen must count 7 alligators before rushing the Quarterback

  1. 7 seconds is a hell of a long time in football. And what’s with the new blitz rule? Is that supposed to be a gift to the defense? Now the offense knows that in a possible 1 in 4 plays one might be a blitz. As far as quarterbacks go, if you don’t want to play on the same field as the big boys…go hangout on the sideline with the cheerleaders!

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